Last week, I hurt my shoulder while working and could barely lift or use that arm, so I called my doctor’s office and made an appointment. Then, I took care of it and by the end of the weekend it’d improved enough that I considered canceling.

Once I was back to work, though, I strained it again. My head hurt, my neck pulled and ground as I moved, stabbing and burning pains flared and faded at different points on my body, and I was so exhausted that even standing seemed more than I could manage. Eventually, tears welled in my eyes and I thought, ‘Enough! I can’t keep doing this! I’m going!’

So, I kept the appointment and my doctor quickly confirmed what I’d suspected, which was that I’d likely torn the rotator cuff and that there was nothing he could do for it. Having herd that, though, I then screwed up my courage, reminded him of the fact that he’d diagnosed me with tendonitis in both forearms, and asked if it was ‘normal’ for someone with that condition to experience a burning sensation in their skin(?)

He allowed that tendonitis pain could be perceived as ‘burning’, and I asked if it was possible for the tendonitis to spread to other parts of the body. ‘See, I get the arm thing,’ I told him, ‘but then it started in my neck, my legs, my feet… and between that, the exhaustion… the freakin’ headaches and all… I mean, its getting so I can barely do housework!’

Right about then, though, he cut me off with something like ‘drop the tendonitis crap’, and said that he didn’t know who I’d been talking to or what I’d been looking up, but that we were going to

get to the bottom of this’. Then, he told me he wanted to do a physical, and sent me out to book it.

Unfortunately, his receptionist was busy, so I went out to my car figuring I’d call later. As I put the key in the ignition, however, emotions and frustration suddenly overcame me and I started crying. In fact, I sobbed!

You see, the truth is that I was scared to death because I’d wanted to talk to the doctor about those issues for some time, but I was also afraid that doing so might lead to my having to take pharmaceutical drugs, which I not only can’t afford, but am afraid of because of side affects and such. I was also afraid that if I did, the doctor would simply dismiss me as being a liar, or tell me it was all in my head.

The problem, however, is that I am going through those things and its gotten bad enough that its affected everything from my hobbies and activities to my job and relationships. And, the longer I go without saying anything, the worse the various problems seem to become. So, I’d taken a chance and talked to my doctor, only to be made to feel as though he suspected me of ‘bullshitting’ him.

Anyways, after allowing myself a moment or two to let some of the stress out, I went back inside and made an appointment for a physical. Now, I just have to hope that, whatever happens, the doctor will at least try to help me figure things out.