‘All it takes is one phone call from (her) and that’s it…?’ he said.
‘No, baby,’ I wanted to say. It wasn’t ONE call… it was one MORE…
One more call, one more avoidance, one more chance to make a choice… but when the chance came up, what did he choose…?
He chose to be a ‘nice guy’… to think of himself and what was comfortable for him rather than what was good for ‘us’… and when the shit hit the fan he chose to blame it on me – to avoid and hide instead of owning what he’d done and giving us the chance to deal with it as a couple.
Guess that wasn’t as important to him as protecting her… or his ego…
Well… ‘if that’s what it takes to sleep at night, baby,’ I thought… and I left.
I left because I can’t take anymore ‘buts’…
‘But, baby! I wasn’t serious then!’ ‘But, baby! She’s psycho!’ ‘But, baby! You’re making me uncomfortable!’ ‘Can’t we just avoid…?’
No. WE can’t. Or at least I can’t.
I can’t take wondering who or what he’s doing… wondering when he’ll choose himself or his ex or the next over me… or when…
It doesn’t matter.
All that matters now… all that’s EVER mattered… is choice.
All it’d take is a phone call… just pick up the hand set… dial the number… and call…
The question’s whether he’ll choose to make it or not though…?
If he did, I’d figure it out. I’d do everything in my power to make ‘us’ work. I’d love him… God! Help me! I love him even now!… but it’s his choice.