Just Lynn

One woman. One name. One hell of an attitude!

Deryk Wiseman Grove

Written By: witchypo - Aug• 09•11

After talking to my mother the other day, I realized that I still didn’t know anything about my stepfather’s death, so I went online to see what I could find. This was it…

September 17, 1925 – July 22, 2011
GROVE Peacefully at Picton Manor Nursing Home, on Friday, July 22nd, 2011, DERYK WISEMAN GROVE, formerly of Belleville, at the age of 85. Beloved husband of Norma. BY DERYK’S REQUEST, NO VISITATION OR FUNERAL SERVICE. Cremation. If desired, donations to Picton Manor Nursing Home Resident’s Fund would be appreciated by the family and may be left at the funeral home. ARRANGEMENTS ENTRUSTED TO, THE WHATTAM FUNERAL HOME, 33 MAIN STREET, PICTON, ON.    

http://www.whattamfuneralhome.com/notice/1339

Later, bits and peices of memmory and information started coming back to me….

I remembered hearing my mother complaining about my stepfather being ‘senile’ and talking about putting him into a home. When she finaly told me that he’d seen a doctor and that they found he had ‘calcium deposits’ in his brain, I asked about treatment, and she said that there was none. Of course, I tried talking to both of them about diet and such, but it was useless.
I usually talked to both of them each time I called, but there was a period when Deckle never answered the phone or asked to speak to me. When I realized that, I asked specifically about him and was told that he’d been in a home for 3 mos. When I asked my mother ‘where’ he was, it took weeks before she finaly gave me an adress, which I (sadly) lost during a move.
After that, I could seldom get my mother to talk about my stepfather and she only ever complained about him or spoke of how ‘out of it’ he was.
Then, a half doezen months ago or so, my mother started calling and begging me to visit her before she died. So, when I went up north this year in the middle of July, I promised that I would try. I didn’t want to, but thought it might give me a chance to see Deckle.
Rather than ride from Ottawa to Belleville, I went to Picton first, looking for a hotel in case the visit actually went well. I specifically remember thinking that he might be somewhere in the Napanee area and wondering if I could be driving right by him without knowing it. When I got to my mother’s I asked about Deckle, of course, and learned nothing.
Only now am I putting 2 and 2 together and understanding that he was in Picton Mannor…
…That I might have driven right by the home and not even known it.
…That I might have been able to visit Deckle!
…That my mother didn’t even mention the fact that he was so close and that I could have seen him. After all, he didn’t pass on until DAYS after I’d been right there!
And she wonders why I have ‘issues'(?)

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2 Comments

  1. Sharon Grove says:

    Your mother didn’t let us know he had passed. She had me taken off the notification list when he died, so I found out a month later.

  2. Sharon Grove says:

    Hi Lynn,

    I have reread the message I sent to you yesterday, it really doesn’t convey what I wanted to say.

    First, I have been looking for you for years, but didn’t know where to find you. Brian said he had you on Facebook, but I couldn’t see you there. Not knowing where you are living, and there is no way on this planet I will contact your mother. The way she treated my father and everyone else is inexcusable.

    Please email me,

    Sharon

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