It was early… 5:30 or so… and I was job hunting online. My blistered feet protested when I got up to get a coffee making me wonder if old-school door knocking was worth the effort or if I should be doing everything online? Sure, old-school had gotten me jobs in the past, but…
The faces of unemployed friends – some out of work for years! – flitted through my mind, leaving the door open behind them for doubt to slip in. ‘But, what if…?’
Even before I could finish the thought, though, I forced myself to remember the day I got ‘downsized’. I recalled the confusion and stress… nearly blowing a circuit ‘thinking’ things through… and then the inexplicable thrill I got when I gave up and asked my gut how it ‘felt’ about things. ‘This is it!’ it said. ‘You could find your dream job!’
Of course, my head had hit me with memmories of the stress that ‘chance’ taking had caused me recently, but my gut countered by reminding me of the paralysing fear I’d wallowed in for decades prior… and of the blessings I’d earned since learning to work around fear. It showed me my sexy car, my beautiful house, and my BF’s dazzling smile. ‘And what have we learned from all this…?’ it asked, as stars circled my head.
‘That… fear… that ‘I’ was the one getting in my own way,’ I’d gasped, and then bolted, thinking ‘dream job… here I come!’
‘But that was almost two months ago!’ my brain cried, as waves of self-pity and panic washed over me.
I lifted trembling hands off the keyboard and raked them through morning-messy hair. ‘But I was suposed to find my ‘dream job’!’
Before I could drown in them, though, I leaned away from the computer and reached out… thought…(?) meditated…(?)… prayed… (?) for help and was imediately reminded of what my sister had said about ‘fear’ being the only thing to fear.
‘And what have you learned from all of this…?’ my gut asked as it tossed me the line and hauled me out of that hellish flood.
‘That fear… that I… was the only one getting in my way…’ I gasped.
‘Is that it!?’ I thought, and squinted up at the rising sun rising beyond my window.
Then, I remembered having chatted with a former supervisor-cum-friend just after losing my job and his offer to help. Before I could hesitate, I set aside worries of ‘imposing’, and fired off a quick message of inquiry. As I did so, I swore I’d take whatever he had to offer. A ‘job’… ‘any’ job… would be a dream come true at that point!
I glanced up at the window again, this time focusing on a sign I’d hung there a year or more ago that said ‘take risks!’ and smiled as I headed for the shower feeling more ‘fierce’ than ‘fearful’. ‘No guts… no glory!’ I chuckled. ‘No fear!’